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8 Oct 2016

Transformation from Within

Today is a special day for me. This is the first edition of my blog here and I thank you for taking the time to check this out. I began this blog and website called Practical Transformations because for a long time now I have been feeling the desire to share my experience of metamorphosis with the intention to serve others in their own journey. A little about me…I have always been driven to examine and heal the inner wounds of the heart and mind. My desire to heal the relationship with my mother is what led me to therapy and quickly thereafter to my spiritual teacher don Miguel Ruiz back in 1987. I was a young pup of 22 and through my apprenticeship with him I grew exponentially. I taught in the Toltec Tradition for a number of years and at a certain point was pulled dramatically into a “normal life” after a serious illness. I never thought I would return to teaching, it felt too heavy for me to continue.
We create from our beliefs. Most of this is unconscious and what we manifest is birthed from the seeds sown deep in what I call the underbelly of the mind. That place that exists with us but is largely the unknown to us. It is this place that we fear to tread, avoiding and resisting the opportunities life brings us to delve there. We fear what we will find there. The conscious mind holds the fruit of these seeds, our manifested world. Some things we are happy with, others not so much.
When I left teaching to focus on my “normal life”, I fully devoted myself to my home, my relationship and my work as a social worker with abused children. I even took my mother to live with me and took care of her (yeah I had not healed that bit yet). It took me a number of years to create that world as a fully developed landscape of my subconscious. The creation is the perfect reflection of what we believe and I had created a world in which I was carrying everyone’s burdens. I took responsibility for everyone else and left myself as an afterthought. I didn’t even know how deeply this pattern went with me. I look back now and its obvious why teaching was so heavy – I was responsible for everyone! The heaviness was so great that I ballooned up to 400 pounds.
Until I hit a breaking point and boy I am so grateful for that break! My whole life came apart when it became clear to me that I was doing everything for everyone else and never considering what I wanted. Or at least I was too afraid to say what I wanted because I feared being alone in the world. At the moment of choice, my options were to continue on and bury the truth staring me in the face or to jump into the unknown.
I jumped.
What came next was an unfolding. I will share more details of that process over time I am sure, but suffice it to say that all the knowledge I had became the implements to examine what I believed and discard and redesign my life. Through the guidance of Spirit I was given the blessing of forgiveness with my mother and with Divine Mother. She is my dearest heart and I am grateful to all her manifestations in my life. A deep abiding love for myself was born and I was naturally guided to the right tools for me to allow my body to be its best self. I eliminated about 200 hundred pounds in this process (its hard to know for sure when the scale doesn’t register your top weight). Bit by bit everything that I did became more aligned with the loving truth of my being and more and more of the core wound revealed itself to be transformed. I didn’t think it was possible for me to heal this place I had grappled with my entire life. But it happened anyway.
Awhile ago it began to percolate that my experience could benefit others. I thought maybe I would become a nutritionist! But that train of thought always came back to the same end point. It doesn’t really matter what you eat (well I think it does matter for health) because everyone is so unique physically. It matters what you believe. We all have emotional traumas in our subconscious and our conscious mind provides the doorway to those sources of trauma. By entering those doors and bringing you, the loving witness, to those stories, you can unleash the personal power you already have to change your life. Whatever the pattern is whether it is low self esteem, body issues, primary and secondary traumas, addictive patterns and self judgments – all can be transformed. The choice is yours and I welcome the opportunity to witness your journey if invited.
Care to jump?…

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